I’m never one to back down from a good ol’ challenge, but DEAR GAAAAAWD… This Irish fry-up tested my spirits and made me never EVER want to eat breakfast EVER again.
The day before, I had a chat with Neil from Cork’s Red FM. I told them about how I turned my Twitter account into an #AllTwitterRequestLine and was now accepting wild and wonderful challenges. Not be left out, they decided to give me one heck of an epic challenge that I will never forget and it totally questioned my existence.
That morning I made sure to give my appetite something to be hungry about so I bicycled from Cobh to Cork.
I arrived at 10am to Tony’s Bistro. It’s a cute little all-day brekky place in Cork. I walked in and nearly every table was filled. I was pretty excited to have breakfast as I had been starving myself since the previous morning.The pushie joined me. It was kinda like being on a date with a bicycle except the bicycle was a little bit more judgemental – we had already been though so much on this journey, talked back a heck of lot less and ultimately I knew that I didn’t have to put out after the meal… Regardless, I was still in some very good company. But then, there were warning signs… There was a presentation of the sauces and the ceremonious placement of the pot of coffee. I started to get a little worried at this point. I do love my coffee, but when it comes in a pot as big as a pumpkin, there’s gonna be some issues.
About 15 minutes later, the monstrosity appeared. Sweet baby Jeeeeeebus – what the hell did I get myself into? I’m asking myself this and they only plunked down ONE FRICKIN PLATE with a side of brown bread. Mind you, the plate was big enough to take an entire Thanksgiving turkey. I took a deep breath. Started an internal monologue and after a big deep sigh said to myself, “I’ve got this… I’ve got this…” I took a few mouthfuls of the white pudding and then the sausage. Then, it went from dread to, “Hell yeah! I frickin GOT THIS!” The hash browns were awesome, the eggs were cooked to perfection.. and then.. THIS HAPPENED:Two containers of chips, a trio of vegetarian options appeared, some onion rings which at first glance got me excited because I thought it was salt and pepper squid – it wasn’t 😦 – and ANOTHER plate of bread. This is when I knew the brekky challenge was turning into a big fat NOPE. I soldiered on.
I tried to coax the boys across from me to help me out and they politely declined. When I asked again, they treated me like a needy high school ex-girlfriend that just wanted one last hug for closure. They ignored my cry for attention.
About three tables of people came and went while I was seated there staring at this massive feed. At this point, I knew I had let Ireland, Australia and most of all America down. America, the eating capital of the world – This girl was NOT gonna finish the fry up.
Externally, I was close to crying; internally I was crying. But then, I had a visitor! This lovely Red FM listener stopped in to give me a pep talk and well… he wanted to rub it in a little. Ya see, when old mate was a very big lad and much younger man, he smashed this breakfast in about 20 minutes. That bastard! When he left, I knew I was screwed. But miraculously, I got my second wind and tucked into the brekky challenge with vengeance!
Before taking on this challenge, I did call in a favour and consulted a doctor about the best way to take on such an epic meal and he said to eat the bread last – since I’m not really a girl who follows any sort of directions, I tried the super tasty soda bread – come on, what’s one bite! I made a fatal mistake. No one told me it was so frickin dense! I was in trouble and I knew it. My reputation was on the line… but, I soldiered on all whilst feeling really sorry for myself. I was REALLY full. I exchanged a lot of glances with the patrons looking for sympathy. They knew it was all over and they didn’t frickin care. It was all over. Then, the phone rang again. I told Neil it was frickin OVER – my stomach already walked out the door so I called defeat. I was a quitter. I hung my poor little head in shame. I let three countries down within a matter of two hours. This was not good for diplomatic relations. Wars have been started for less. I had one spoonful of the baked beans! My gawd – the baked beans were GOOOD…. but if I had anything as close as to a wafer thin mint, I was a goner.
I pouted. I sat there and frickin POUTED. I hated breakfast. I never wanted to eat ever again. I contemplated on becoming vegetarian. I had no one to blame but myself for this.
Update: I hid for four hours licking my wounds and when I finally had enough guts, I emerged and went in search of a veggie smoothie and found one – Hallelujah! My body rejoiced! Then, I had a very REASONABLY SIZED salad to finish off the day. I’m feeling much happier with myself. What an epic day.
Let’s just say, I won’t be eating a fry up for a very LONG time. This was a first time I’ve had a food hangover and I didn’t like it. Apologies to the three countries which I offended today. Hopefully I can make you proud in the future!
If you would like to hear the radio interview – fallout from that day, here ya go!
A girl gone walkabout in the great big world!