You want me to eat what?

I’m never one to back down from a good ol’ challenge, but DEAR GAAAAAWD… This Irish fry-up tested my spirits and made me never EVER want to eat breakfast EVER again.

The day before, I had a chat with Neil from Cork’s Red FM.  I told them about how I turned my Twitter account into an #AllTwitterRequestLine and was now accepting wild and wonderful challenges.  Not be left out, they decided to give me one heck of an epic challenge that I will never forget and it totally questioned my existence.

That morning I made sure to give my appetite something to be hungry about so I bicycled from Cobh to Cork.

I arrived at 10am to Tony’s Bistro.  It’s a cute little all-day brekky place in Cork.  I walked in and nearly every table was filled.  I was pretty excited to have breakfast as I had been starving myself since the previous morning.The pushie joined me.  It was kinda like being on a date with a bicycle except the bicycle was a little bit more judgemental – we had already been though so much on this journey, talked back a heck of lot less and ultimately I knew that I didn’t have to put out after the meal…  Regardless, I was still in some very good company. But then, there were warning signs… There was a presentation of the sauces and the ceremonious placement of the pot of coffee.  I started to get a little worried at this point.  I do love my coffee, but when it comes in a pot as big as a pumpkin, there’s gonna be some issues.

About 15 minutes later, the monstrosity appeared.  Sweet baby Jeeeeeebus – what the hell did I get myself into?  I’m asking myself this and they only plunked down ONE FRICKIN PLATE with a side of brown bread.  Mind you, the plate was big enough to take an entire Thanksgiving turkey.  I took a deep breath.  Started an internal monologue and after a big deep sigh said to myself, “I’ve got this… I’ve got this…” I took a few mouthfuls of the white pudding and then the sausage.  Then, it went from dread to, “Hell yeah! I frickin GOT THIS!”  The hash browns were awesome, the eggs were cooked to perfection.. and then.. THIS HAPPENED:Two containers of chips, a trio of vegetarian options appeared, some onion rings which at first glance got me excited because I thought it was salt and pepper squid – it wasn’t 😦 – and ANOTHER plate of bread.  This is when I knew the brekky challenge was turning into a big fat NOPE.  I soldiered on.

I tried to coax the boys across from me to help me out and they politely declined.  When I asked again, they treated me like a needy high school ex-girlfriend that just wanted one last hug for closure.  They ignored my cry for attention.

About three tables of people came and went while I was seated there staring at this massive feed.  At this point, I knew I had let Ireland,  Australia and most of all America down.  America, the eating capital of the world –  This girl was NOT gonna finish the fry up.

Externally, I was close to crying; internally I was crying.    But then, I had a visitor!  This lovely Red FM listener stopped in to give me a pep talk and well… he wanted to rub it in a little.  Ya see, when old mate was a very big lad and much younger man, he smashed this breakfast in about 20 minutes.  That bastard!  When he left, I knew I was screwed.  But miraculously, I got my second wind and tucked into the brekky challenge with vengeance!

Before taking on this challenge, I did call in a favour and consulted a doctor about the best way to take on such an epic meal and he said to eat the bread last – since I’m not really a girl who follows any sort of directions, I tried the super tasty soda bread – come on, what’s one bite!  I made a fatal mistake.  No one told me it was so frickin dense!  I was in trouble and I knew it.  My reputation was on the line… but, I soldiered on all whilst feeling really sorry for myself.  I was REALLY full.  I exchanged a lot of glances with the patrons looking for sympathy.  They knew it was all over and they didn’t frickin care.  It was all over.  Then, the phone rang again.  I told Neil it was frickin OVER – my stomach already walked out the door so I called defeat.  I was a quitter.  I hung my poor little head in shame.  I let three countries down within a matter of two hours.  This was not good for diplomatic relations.  Wars have been started for less.  I had one spoonful of the baked beans!  My gawd – the baked beans were GOOOD…. but if I had anything as close as to a wafer thin mint, I was a goner.

I pouted.  I sat there and frickin POUTED.  I hated breakfast.  I never wanted to eat ever again.  I contemplated on becoming vegetarian.  I had no one to blame but myself for this.

Update:  I hid for four hours licking my wounds and when I finally had enough guts, I emerged and went in search of  a veggie smoothie and found one – Hallelujah!  My body rejoiced!   Then, I had a very REASONABLY SIZED salad to finish off the day.  I’m feeling much happier with myself.  What an epic day.

Let’s just say, I won’t be eating a fry up for a very LONG time.  This was a first time I’ve had a food hangover and I didn’t like it.  Apologies to the three countries which I offended today.  Hopefully I can make you proud in the future!

If you would like to hear the radio interview – fallout from that day, here ya go!