You want me to eat what?
I’m never one to back down from a good ol’ challenge, but DEAR GAAAAAWD… This Irish fry-up tested my spirits and made me never EVER want to eat breakfast EVER again.
The day before, I had a chat with Neil from Cork’s Red FM. I told them about how I turned my Twitter account into an #AllTwitterRequestLine and was now accepting wild and wonderful challenges. Not be left out, they decided to give me one heck of an epic challenge that I will never forget and it totally questioned my existence.
That morning I made sure to give my appetite something to be hungry about so I bicycled from Cobh to Cork.
I arrived at 10am to Tony’s Bistro. It’s a cute little all-day brekky place in Cork. I walked in and nearly every table was filled. I was pretty excited to have breakfast as I had been starving myself since the previous morning.The pushie joined me. It was kinda like being on a date with a bicycle except the bicycle was a little bit more judgemental – we had already been though so much on this journey, talked back a heck of lot less and ultimately I knew that I didn’t have to put out after the meal… Regardless, I was still in some very good company. But then, there were warning signs… There was a presentation of the sauces and the ceremonious placement of the pot of coffee. I started to get a little worried at this point. I do love my coffee, but when it comes in a pot as big as a pumpkin, there’s gonna be some issues.
About 15 minutes later, the monstrosity appeared. Sweet baby Jeeeeeebus – what the hell did I get myself into? I’m asking myself this and they only plunked down ONE FRICKIN PLATE with a side of brown bread. Mind you, the plate was big enough to take an entire Thanksgiving turkey. I took a deep breath. Started an internal monologue and after a big deep sigh said to myself, “I’ve got this… I’ve got this…” I took a few mouthfuls of the white pudding and then the sausage. Then, it went from dread to, “Hell yeah! I frickin GOT THIS!” The hash browns were awesome, the eggs were cooked to perfection.. and then.. THIS HAPPENED:Two containers of chips, a trio of vegetarian options appeared, some onion rings which at first glance got me excited because I thought it was salt and pepper squid – it wasn’t 😦 – and ANOTHER plate of bread. This is when I knew the brekky challenge was turning into a big fat NOPE. I soldiered on.
I tried to coax the boys across from me to help me out and they politely declined. When I asked again, they treated me like a needy high school ex-girlfriend that just wanted one last hug for closure. They ignored my cry for attention.
About three tables of people came and went while I was seated there staring at this massive feed. At this point, I knew I had let Ireland, Australia and most of all America down. America, the eating capital of the world – This girl was NOT gonna finish the fry up.
Externally, I was close to crying; internally I was crying. But then, I had a visitor! This lovely Red FM listener stopped in to give me a pep talk and well… he wanted to rub it in a little. Ya see, when old mate was a very big lad and much younger man, he smashed this breakfast in about 20 minutes. That bastard! When he left, I knew I was screwed. But miraculously, I got my second wind and tucked into the brekky challenge with vengeance!
Before taking on this challenge, I did call in a favour and consulted a doctor about the best way to take on such an epic meal and he said to eat the bread last – since I’m not really a girl who follows any sort of directions, I tried the super tasty soda bread – come on, what’s one bite! I made a fatal mistake. No one told me it was so frickin dense! I was in trouble and I knew it. My reputation was on the line… but, I soldiered on all whilst feeling really sorry for myself. I was REALLY full. I exchanged a lot of glances with the patrons looking for sympathy. They knew it was all over and they didn’t frickin care. It was all over. Then, the phone rang again. I told Neil it was frickin OVER – my stomach already walked out the door so I called defeat. I was a quitter. I hung my poor little head in shame. I let three countries down within a matter of two hours. This was not good for diplomatic relations. Wars have been started for less. I had one spoonful of the baked beans! My gawd – the baked beans were GOOOD…. but if I had anything as close as to a wafer thin mint, I was a goner.
I pouted. I sat there and frickin POUTED. I hated breakfast. I never wanted to eat ever again. I contemplated on becoming vegetarian. I had no one to blame but myself for this.
Update: I hid for four hours licking my wounds and when I finally had enough guts, I emerged and went in search of a veggie smoothie and found one – Hallelujah! My body rejoiced! Then, I had a very REASONABLY SIZED salad to finish off the day. I’m feeling much happier with myself. What an epic day.
Let’s just say, I won’t be eating a fry up for a very LONG time. This was a first time I’ve had a food hangover and I didn’t like it. Apologies to the three countries which I offended today. Hopefully I can make you proud in the future!
If you would like to hear the radio interview – fallout from that day, here ya go!
taraustralis View All
An Aussie girl gone walkabout in the great big world!
There are some delicious breakfasts in the South, West and along the Wild Atlantic Way, so don’t discount another fry up as you soldier on!
Fry-ups are bad for your health! Far form letting down 3 countries, you taught them a valuable lesson. Think of all that cholesterol. You need your heart and your blood vessels working well to complete the main challenge – round Ireland on that pushie! I recommend Irish oat porridge with lots of fruit for your next – and all future – breakfast.
Sounds good! I’ll give that a go!
Yikes! The next time you are Stateside, I’ll have to take you to Big Bad Breakfast. Great food — somewhat more reasonable portions. 😉